He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
