So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
