piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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