she looked like the before picture.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize