remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
