dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
