The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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