She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
