I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
