He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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