Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
