Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
