I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
