my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
