D3 body, D1 cock
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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