Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
