My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
