Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
