My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
whose parrot is this?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
