She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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