PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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