yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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