Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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