laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
