I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
