Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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