Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
