I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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