I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
