you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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