Your tits are I can't wait for
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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