Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
