I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
