when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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