I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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