At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize