I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
