he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
