Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
