it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
