rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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