y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
