Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
