I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
