I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
