I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize