Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
