She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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