Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I cannot find my penis.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
