I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
