I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
