nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wish my penis had a tongue
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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