I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
