Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
