remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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