Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
