How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
