like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
