I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
