I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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