I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
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