He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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