I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
