haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
