im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
