I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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