Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize