You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
