We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
