you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
