Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
