I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
