a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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