Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
