My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
