he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
