Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
