This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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