She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
