I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's shark week go big or go home
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
