either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
