and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
