apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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