she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
