Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
