omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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