we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
