When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
