Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
