I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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