I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
