My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
