Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
