is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hippo gnu deer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
